Courage

Standing up and the aftermath

This is the first time (ever) that I show up in front of the camera for one of my Instagram stories.

This is a big deal because I consciously tend to hide behind the camera to avoid exposing myself. Not out of shyness (because we all know that’s not true) but out of fear.

For a very long time I have believed that I cannot speak up, stand up for myself, or share my own opinion. That it would be best if I quieted, never said a word, because I wasn’t supposed to. That even if I tried, it would all prove futile.

All of this stems from childhood trauma, living in an environment that reiterated this message over and over. Yet now that I am out, it still haunts me in the form of fear.

More and more, in these last two weeks, I have seen how much my fearful self tends to get in the way. Although she is only trying to help, there is no need for survival anymore. That reality is gone.

The aftermath of my session.

So now I get to pick up the pieces of both my responses to life and my tutorial. Now, I am off to go watch A Ghost Story. Suiting, isn’t it?

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